Writing this blog has been one of the best experiences that I’ve had in a long time, I always try to be open and honest with what I say, forewarning with this post is extremely personal.
A balancing act is hard to maintain, especially when you are trying to start your own life. One of the many sides of adoption is not knowing what to say to who or asking how to do I ask a question that doesn’t offend one of my parents, or how do I not talk about my other family too much.
Both sides of my family, my adoptive and birth families are very supportive and are open with me, but that doesn’t help the fact that in my mind I feel as if I can’t mention a lot of things to my parents.
I have an unusually close relationship with my mother and I can tell her anything about my life (and I do share more often then she would like) but I feel like if I talk about my birth father too much she will feel like I resent her.
My relationship with my adoptive dad is very complicated we love each other but we have very different views of the world and are stubborn, I haven’t told him anything about contact with my birth family. When my parents had the talk about kids my dad wasn’t onboard for an adoption and felt that it was unnatural, but when he held my brother and me for the first time he became such a proponent of adoption so much so that he was asked to speak at a conference for prospective adoptive parents. If I ever told my dad I think he would take it hard and feel like I don’t love him.
My birth father has been communicating a lot more recently and I wouldn’t want to talk about my adoptive parents and the wonderful life they gave me because I don’t know why I was put up for adoption and I don’t want to sound like I am rubbing it in his face about how I did so much better then I could have expected.
Someone who I forget to consider a lot is my brother, we have never come out and talked about our adoptions and I don’t think I would feel comfortable if we did. It has nothing to do with us being close, it is more like we are too close, and I wouldn’t want him to think that he isn’t my sibling anymore.
A lot of what I just wrote might sound trivial and minor but living it day to day makes it stand out more, you must be careful with what you say and who you are talking to. Most of the time my family and I aren’t talking about adoption, but I might have some news I want to share, or just letting people know about my blog post.
“Whether your children are through biology or adoption they are yours through love.” -anon (found on adoption.com)